Editor:

Repent, Sinners, and Cast Off Your Cars!

Andrew Doyle, in his book The New Puritan, observes that there is a new form of puritanism cropping up in colleges and universities in England and the United States. 

He argues that this new puritanism is driven by identity politics. It’s my observation that we have our very own brand of new puritanism here in San Francisco; ours, however, is not driven by anything. It’s ridden. Our new puritans follow the Bible of the Bike, and all the commandments contained therein (“Thou shall not steal … unless it’s a road,” for example).

San Francisco’s new puritans are easily recognizable. Unlike the original puritans, who hid their bodies in long woolen clothes, our puritans wear spandex. To be accepted by these elitist puritans, “thou must own a very expensive bike.”

San Francisco used to be, for the most part, a “live and let live” kind of town, with all types of people and their life choices respected. People were kinder. But kind people were slowly replaced by selfish and self-righteous cyclists (not all cyclists, mind you, just the annoyingly self-righteous ones) and this is best illustrated by the changes that happened in the City after the San Francisco Bicycle Coalition began to slowly insinuate itself into all levels of San Francisco politics. Soon, every commission and committee was saturated with SFBC members. 

Once that was accomplished, it was all about bikes. The Bicycle Coalition’s oft repeated phrase, “share the road,” soon evolved to, “we want the road,” and damned if they didn’t get several. As the Bicycle Coalition gained more power, the more power they wanted. Their lobby is one of the strongest in the City, right up there with the property developers. And, in a world where a bike is the “every only God,” those of us who use a car by necessity or choice don’t stand much of a chance. We must bow down before the Bike, no matter the cost.

The Cult of the Bike (a.k.a., the San Francisco Bicycle Coalition) is now, to many of us, synonymous with greed, aggression and self-righteousness. Bike worshipers are better than everyone else. They have the moral high ground. They know what is best for everyone. To these puritans, cars are evil; therefore, those who drive cars are evil and must be punished. And one of the best ways to punish them is to deny them access to one of the most beautiful and safest roads in the City – the Upper Great Highway. With the help of Supervisor Joel Engardio (you know, the guy we’re trying to recall) these new puritans managed to push those evil drivers off the Highway and onto unsafe, high-injury networks that put their very lives at stake. Die, sinner, for the transgression of driving!

Welcome to the new Plymouth Colony, folks (whoops, Plymouth was a car. Let’s make that Welcome to the Pinarello Dogma Bicycle Colony instead)!

Alyse Ceirante, District 4