Lessons From My Parents

With Lunar New Year approaching, many San Franciscans are reflecting on the importance of family and the lasting lessons they pass down. My office recently hosted a Lunar New Year art show featuring nearly 30 local artists and focusing on Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) themed art. The creativity and beauty on display got me thinking about the values I’m carrying with me into the new year.

These are some of the lessons my parents taught me – values I hold close in my life and in my service to our community as San Francisco’s representative.

Community

Growing up, the Jewish community was at the center of my family’s life. We were among the only Jewish families in the part of southern New Jersey where I was raised. For example, in my high school class of 550 students, only two of us were Jewish, but my parents worked hard to build community with others.

Together with a few other families, my parents co-founded a small synagogue. Every Friday afternoon, our rabbi would drive into town to lead Shabbat services, stay overnight at our house and return home after sundown on Saturday. Services were held in a local Lutheran church, which generously allowed us to cover the cross with a sheet during our Friday night prayers. Eventually, the congregation grew, purchased land and built a small synagogue.

That community became essential to our lives. My mother served as the synagogue’s treasurer for years, and I spent weekends helping her stuff envelopes with the congregation’s newsletter. Until 10th grade, all of my friends were in the synagogue.

Watching my parents dedicate so much of themselves to building that community – and seeing how it supported us in return – taught me the importance of investing in community through both good times and bad.

Self-Reliance

My father’s path to owning a small business was not easy. He was diagnosed with epilepsy in the 1950s, long before effective treatments were widely available and long before the Americans with Disabilities Act was passed. With no employment protections for people with disabilities, he was fired from multiple jobs after experiencing seizures at work.

Those experiences fueled his determination to attend optometry school so he could open his own practice rather than rely on others for employment. He went on to support our family for decades through his optometry practice, which he later sold to a young optometrist couple.

Watching my father fight for independence, dignity and stability taught me the importance of relying on yourself – in addition to the amazing people who surround all of us – and working hard to provide for the people you care about.

Education

My mother was a high school biology teacher until I was born, and my parents instilled in me early the value of strong public education. Throughout high school, they supported me as I got involved in more and more activities, such as the swim team, Model United Nations, Youth in Government and the Governor’s School for students interested in politics. It was an unstated assumption that, of course, I would attend college.

That support is why I was able to graduate from Duke University and Harvard Law School, leading to 15 years of practicing as an attorney and ultimately transitioning to public service. Their example inspired my advocacy for maintaining Lowell High School, preserving eighth grade algebra and protecting public education funding during my years as a San Francisco supervisor and as chair of the Senate Budget Committee.

Healing the World

One of the central tenets of Judaism is tikkun olam, or “healing the world.” It teaches that we each have an obligation to care about others, show empathy for those who are suffering and work to better the world around us.

As a child, my desire to heal the world manifested in my dream of becoming a veterinarian. Our house was always full of cats and dogs, and I was constantly persuading my parents to let me bring home guinea pigs, fish, rats and other new pets.

That dream came to a tragic end in 10th grade, when I spent a year working for our family veterinarian. I quickly discovered that my love for animals made it extremely sad to constantly be around sick animals. After my boss decided to put down a couple of ridgeback puppies because their breeder was unhappy with their ridges – I unsuccessfully tried to persuade and obstruct the vet from doing this by attempting to hide the euthanizing chemical – I decided a career as a veterinarian wasn’t for me.

My parents also taught me that healing the world means respecting and embracing diversity. In the 1980s, my mom’s cousin came out as transgender in a very public way, appearing on national television. Her transition was difficult for her and her immediate family.

Yet my parents never wavered in showing me that loving our family meant accepting and supporting them when they show us who they truly are. My parents were far ahead of their time, and I remain deeply grateful for the lesson that celebrating our differences is one of the most powerful ways to heal division in the world.

Scott Wiener represents San Francisco and northern San Mateo County in the California State Senate. He chairs the Senate Budget Committee and is a member of the California Legislative Jewish Caucus. He previously chaired the Senate Housing Committee and the California Legislative LGBTQ Caucus. He can be reached at 415-557-1300.